Semi-Charmed Life

Office Lottery Pools

Just how often do these office lottery pools work out? I'm not a fan of them. We all know whoever has the ticket is going to book the second he finds out he has the winning ticket.

I'm also inclined to think the lottery is for suckers, even though I do play on occasion on a whim.

I would never say this at work though, for fear of being the "rain cloud."

Are you a part of an office lotto pool?

A Hump Day Morning

I got my usual breakfast at this place by my work. It comes out to $5.50, so I dropped a ten dollar bill and a one dollar bill so that I'd be able to get a five back without all those pesky singles. Imagine the bewildered look on my face when he still proceeded to give me back $4.50 for change. He gave me a small thanks, and at that point I realized that he must have thought I was tipping him! Maybe it's the Asian in me, but I figured it would have made it awkward for both of us if I had told him what happened so I just shrugged it off. What would you have done? I mean, I go to the guy every day.

As I was making my way into my building, there was an FDNY EMT worker also making her way in. I'm not sure what their role is exactly . . . maybe they're supposed to be on-site emergency workers? Well if that's the case, then why are they all obese? The woman was hobbling on a cane for chrissakes. When you're obese to the point that you need a cane to walk, you should consider another line of work. Being a 100+lbs  overweight and hobbling on a cane doesn't exactly instill confidence.

BTW . . . I feel like a moron referring to Wednesday as hump day.

Random Thoughts of the Day

I thought this was a really amusing list of random thoughts and musings. Thanks Sunny!

Random Thoughts of the Day:

"More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner."

4 Reasons traveling is a waste of time (Penelope Trunk)

Although I do enjoy traveling, I agree with her points:

I'm growing sour on travel. I have always disliked it. When I was a kid my parents took us all over Europe and the Caribbean, and it really exhausted me. Now that I'm a grown up, I am better able to articulate why I think travel is a waste of time. Here are four reasons why I think the benefits of travel are largely delusional:

1. There are more effective ways to try new things.

While it's true that learning and broadening your experience is important, doing that one time is quite different from consistently integrating something new into your life. It's low risk to try something for a week. Which will make more impact on your life: going to Africa for a week and seeing wildlife and living in the jungle, or retooling your weekly schedule so that you take a walk through your local forest preserve once a week? You will have a stronger connection to the forest preserve than the jungle, and you will have a deeper sense of how it grows and changes and how you respond. So if you hope that travel will change how you see the world, doing something each week to see the world differently will have more impact than doing it one time, seven days in a row.

2. Cultural differences are superficial. Economic differences matter.

Don't tell yourself you travel to learn about different cultures. Because you don't necessarily learn from people in other cultures. And you don't need to leave the US to find cultures different from your own.

Frans Johansson writes about diversity, and he says that race is not a indicator of diversity any more—background is. And the most diverse backgrounds come from economic disparity. So a rich white person and a poor white person are more different than a rich white person and a rich black person.

I think this is true across cultures as well. I had a South African roommate in college. But she was just like me: rich, white, Jewish. But when I lived on a French farm for a summer, the big difference between me and the farm family wasn't that they were French. It was that they were living on a farm. I know this because when they figured out I was unhappy, they sent me to live with their cousins in Lyons—a large city in France—and the cousins were just like me.

3. People who love their lives don't leave.

Imagine if you were excited to get out of bed every day because you had structured your life so that every day was full of what you have always dreamed of doing. And you were in love with your boyfriend, and your job, and your new handstand in yoga. You love it all—imagine that. Would you want to leave all that behind for two weeks? What would be the point? You'd have more fun at home than away from home. So instead of traveling somewhere, how about figuring out what you'd really love to be doing with your time, and do that? In your real, day-to-day life.

4. Travel is not the time to do deep thinking.

People who need an escape so they can think deeply actually need to add that to their daily life. How about setting aside time to think deeply every few days? Sam Adams suggests in his article in New York magazine that meditation is so important that people are going to start making time for it in the same way we make time for exercise now. So maybe that travel bug you are feeling is actually a give-me-headspace bug, and if you think you need it only for a couple of weeks, you're wrong. You need time to think each day. Re-craft your days to honor that need, instead of running away for what can only be a temporary respite.

My guess is that the things you are aiming to accomplish while you travel are generally things you could accomplish on a deeper level if you stayed home and made changes to your life instead of running away. Routine and practice are the keys to giving deeper meaning to your life. Sure, disrupting routine is important for gaining new perspective. But you certainly don't need to travel to the next country. There is plenty that is new right where you are now. Just look closely.

 Link here.

Conversation Topics . . . or Not.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I hate talking about work. Whenever someone asks me what I do, I tell them something vague. I can't say finance, because that gives people the impression that I'm making that paper. What I usually end up doing is telling people I do operations at Company ABC, and then if they inquire further I'll go and tell them that I'm in International Stock Loan. Securities lending is probably the most obscure yet mundane things in the finance world, so I'm not exactly thrilled to discuss it with other people.

You'd figure that I would probably enjoy talking about my hobbies then, but oddly enough, I don't. Not for lack of enthusiasm really, but it's just that I don't think there's much to talk about. I have friends who can talk forever about the newest gear coming out for snowboarding or photography and every other aspect of those two topics. I consider myself a very avid snowboarder, but people can't believe it when I tell them I don't know jack shit when they come to me asking for advice on what type of gear to get.

As far as Brazilian jiu jitsu goes, this is probably the worst thing to talk about with friends. When people ask me about it and hear "jiu jitsu," they associate what I do with some hokey karate or tae kwon do crap and start telling me how they know someone who's a black belt in said arts, or how their kid is participating in said arts. "It's like wrestling" is the closest thing that gives them that "aha!" moment, so that's what I usually say.

It's not any easier even if people have an inkling of what Brazilian jiu jitsu is. I always get cracks from friends like "Oh don't mess with Alvin! He knows Brazilian Jiu jitsu!" as if I walk around trying to beat people up all day. Then every now and then if I happen to talk smack, someone will say something like "Oh so just because you take Brazilian Jiu jitsu now, you think you're a tough guy?" as if they didn't know me before I got into this. Nothing has changed about the way I interact with my friends, yet now all of a sudden I'm the guy who thinks he's a tough guy because he trains. And of course there are the ones who ask me if I think I can "take on" so and so. I'm not sure what their motivation is for asking questions like these, but it gets annoying. I mean really, why does it matter?

So I've come to the conclusion that hobbies are not meant to be discussed. They're activities that require participation, not discussion. Even when a friend expresses interest in something that I do and wants to do it himself, after I give them a little bit of background I'll always follow up by telling them to go and try it out firsthand.