Absent-minded
This one cracked me up:
One time I was holding a grapefruit. I wondered if I could catch it between by chin and collarbone if I tossed it up into the air first. So I threw it. The grapefruit. At my throat. I threw a grapefruit at my throat. It hurt like a bitch. I hacked and gasped and gurgled for like twenty minutes.
Something else I could totally see myself doing:
The other day I was making myself a sandwich and I thought to myself maybe my friend wants a piece of lunch meat, so I dangled a piece in front of her until she asked me what I was doing. I honestly don't know what I was thinking.
I've seen this on more than one occasion:
Putting on my glasses so I could see to find my glasses.
I'm sure I've done this at least once before:
I was standing in a grocery line the other day texting or something (being a phone zombie) and I just farted. Like pushed it out on purpose. I stood there for a couple of seconds before i realized where I was. No one around was pleased.
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