Semi-Charmed Life

Embracing Unhappiness

I've cut down a lot recently on my Facebook usage. I'm tired of the positive skew it paints on everyone's lives. If I didn't know any better, everyone's lives seems to consist of constant vacationing, partying, drinking, job promotions, fine dining and happy and healthy relationships.

Don't people have problems anymore?

They do, but the only problems that generally exist on Facebook are complaints about the weather or bemoan about the inefficiencies of the MTA and how they're late for work.

Late for work FML!

Spilled soda on my shirt FML!

You would think that was the extent of their problems.

But we all know better. Everyone has problems. Actually, the term "problem" is a gross simplification of the things we go through in our personal lives. Calling something a problem implies that there is a possible solution, and suggests (at least to me) that there should be a structured way to find a resolution. The term problem is a little too neat.

I think there are times in life when there isn't necessarily a specific problem per se. Is it possible to not have a good reason to be happy? Or maybe a combination of things that just add up? Maybe just the feeling of being lost and having no direction can be the problem itself.

I know so many people who lead seemingly good lives. Some have kids. Some have girlfriends. Some have wives. Good jobs. Good health. Yet at the same time they're unhappy about something in their lives.

Is it possible to be something like 80% happy and 20% unhappy? Or does happiness have to be an absolute. You're either happy or you're unhappy.

I think most of those friends would probably consider themselves happy if you were to ask them.

I feel like the culture these days is all about empowerment and positivity, and that I should be squashing these problems with my awesomeness. Or something.

I feel guilty for having these kinds of thoughts, and in my head I'm yelling at myself "Look at you and your first world problems. Man up and go fight a bear or something!" This is what I, and everyone else, display to the world. We take pictures to document all the cool shit we are doing and post it on Facebook to prove that hey, I really did do all this cool shit. We post status updates of all the interesting things we're doing or places we're visiting and we go about the day with these winning smiles that let's the world know that everything is a-okay.

More and more I find that it's harder to communicate these kinds of thoughts and feelings to your friends. When I was younger I was able to talk about this type of shit to close friends. When you're young, it's easy to pour your heart out to friends because teenagers are damn emo and enjoy commiserating with each other like that. As we get older we don't enjoy listening about other people's problems anymore. We have our own problems already, so don't lay all your shit on me too! We don't say that or even consciously think that, but that's in the back of everybody's mind. The Me First mentality is what makes us grownups.

I ran into a friend the other day on the subway. We were chatting about random stuff, about work and what not, when my friend mentioned to me that he had started seeing a shrink. I was surprised, not because of the fact that he started going to a mental health professional, but that (1) he outwardly leads what appears to be a very happy life and (2) he is what I would consider an alpha male who I would have imagined to be against these types of things. Thus, I was quite flattered when he told me all this, especially when he mentioned that I was the first person he had told. And to think all this was gleaned from an extremely random subway encounter!

I was very intrigued and asked him a whole bunch of questions because I've never met a person who has seen a mental health professional. Or maybe it's just not something that comes up in conversation. I have a ton more respect for this friend because he was able to overcome this social taboo and give something different a try.

He does not know what will come of these sessions, but one thing he did say was that it was easier to talk to a stranger about these things than talk to a friend. That's not a new idea, but when did this become true? Why is it that sometimes it's just easier to get things off your chest to a complete stranger? I suspect part of the answer goes back to the idea unloading all your shit on your friends. Who has the time?

Whew long post. Good night!