Semi-Charmed Life

A BBQ Wedding and Post-Hangover Reflections

Another wedding down, with one more to go this upcoming weekend. This past weekend, Ray and Karen had their one year wedding anniversary celebration. They have been officially married since last year, having gone through the official paperwork down at city hall. The celebration this weekend was more of a ceremonial celebration for friends and family, but being that it was a bbq wedding, it was much different than the more traditional Chinese or American weddings I've been to.

The atmosphere they wanted was a very relaxed and casual atmosphere. They wanted the guests to enjoy themselves, and who doesn't enjoy themselves at a nice summer bbq?

It was pretty relaxed for the groomsmen as well. The most difficult part of being groomsmen was deciding what we should wear. Aside from figuring that out, I would say the most difficult thing was the best man speech. Ray had chosen the unconventional path of not declaring a best man. With that said, we did not know whether we should give one single collective speech, delivered by one of us, or if we should all deliver separate individual speeches. We asked Ray and he told us the decision was ours.

Two weeks before the wedding we agreed to each of us coming up with something and taking it from there. A week had past and NONE of us came up with anything. Aderly was the first to submit his speech. When I read it, I was blown away. It had met Ray's stipulations of the speech being no longer than 45 seconds and his requirement for humor (he hates long, boring best man speeches), but more importantly, it was just really good!

The rest of us all agreed it was fantastic, and in the back of my mind I was thinking there was absolutely no way I could deliver something on par. We had also consulted with the bridesmaids, to see whether they were going to each deliver a speech or if they were also going to go with one speech, and to our relief (well, minus Aderly) they were doing just one as well.

Game day arrives, and slowly we learn that each of the girls have in fact prepared their own speeches and were eager to present them. This left us with some serious crunch time decisions. First, we were faced with the uneasy logistics of having to present 7 different speeches. That's a lot of speeches! Second, this was counter to our expectations.

Luckily, most of us did have something prepared because we knew something like this could happen. Ridge had a humorous speech as well, but it was not as good as Aderly's (sorry Ridge). I had an idea of what I was going to say, but it was mostly pleasantries which were not particularly clever or unique. Steve, early on, professed that he was a terrible writer and that he could not come up with anything for the life of him. His escape route was to go last and say something to the effect of "I was going to say all these great things about Ray, but it's all been said by these guys right here."

So we gathered, from not-so-subtle hints, that the bridesmaids had in fact wanted to deliver their speeches. But did Karen?

The four of us gathered together and pulled Karen aside. We asked her what she wanted. She was demure about her response at first, but then she said it. "Yes. I want to hear what each of you have to say." Oh boy, the look on our faces. "This is my wedding too!"

So for the next hour or so, I was pacing around running through what I wanted to say in my head. I had 3 beers and 2 cups of wine at this point, so it wasn't easy. I think somewhere along the line, we made a decision that we were going to stick with just Aderly speaking. He had a very strong speech, and it would remain a strong one if it was not diluted with speeches from the rest of us.

However, right up until the moment, I was unsure if I was going to be speak unexpectedly. Here's a rough idea of what I was going to say:

Hi everybody. My name is Alvin and I want to thank you all for being here. I'm actually a little unsure how I have the honor of standing here before all you guys right now. I didn't grow up with Ray and know him for nearly my entire life like Steve over here, and I didn't even go to school or live with Ray like Aderly and Ridge have. I feel like I've always been the little brother that Ray has always had to deal with because of his constant "I told you so" looks or the way he just always seems to have all the answers and I never do.

I do look up to him as an older brother though, and one thing I am always impressed by is his committment. Anyone that knows Ray knows that his word is his bond. He does not just say things "casually." Years ago, before he met Karen he had already entertained the idea of a BBQ wedding, and now it's a reality. This past January, he said he would make sure our first snowboarding trip out west would happen, and now he's already finished planning it at the same time he was working on this wedding with Karen.

His commitment to his words are unparalleled, which is why I know that the vows he has spoken will be honored, and that when he professes his love to Karen it is and always will be the truest words any man has ever spoken.

Okay, so I probably would not have delivered all that with as much poise as my prose reflects but that reflects the structure of the speech I had in mind.

The girls ended up only giving one speech, probably to mirror the guys. I thought both speeches were excellent and that it all worked out well, but I know Karen also had her heart set on hearing something from each of us. Karen, if you're reading this I hope you were not disappointed by the outcome!