Locker Room Etiquette

30Nov/110

I don't know what the hell goes on in the women's locker room (although I am curious), but I thought this was hilariously accurate:

I think we can all agree that there are various unwritten rules of deportment involved in changing in a locker room when full nudity is required. Yet, for whatever reason, the more time that gravity has had to ravage these mens’ bodies, the more likely they are to be on display at any given moment.

To be clear, I’m not singling out older people for dressing or undressing more slowly than their younger brethren. That’s to be expected. What I’m talking about is the age-related tendency to add or remove clothing in a completely illogical order while randomly engaging in nudity-extending activities during the changing process. Everybody knows that the number one rule of underwear etiquette in a locker room setting is L.O.F.O. — as in Last Off, First On. In practice, this means that, if you need to shower, your underwear should be the very last piece of clothing you remove before wrapping a towel around your waste and schlepping off to the stalls. Then, upon your return, your underwear should be the very first piece of clothing you put on before proceeding with the rest of your outfit.

It’s excruciatingly straightforward and no more difficult than any other changing order (and, indeed, simpler/more useful than many — unless you’re Quail Man, of course). Yet for some reason, this stunnginly logical progression becomes an irreconciliable calculus for many gents in their sixth decade and beyond.

Read the rest of the entry here.

You can read some of the backlash in the comments section. This one (or these two, rather) cracked me up:

I was born in 1942. I’m a veteran of the American army, a Prince of Rome, a master musician, and a Taoist adept. If you have the privilege of seeing me naked, you should get down and kiss the ground, and thank your lucky stars that you’ve seen at least one superior man in your life.

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