Semi-Charmed Life


Locker Room Etiquette

I don't know what the hell goes on in the women's locker room (although I am curious), but I thought this was hilariously accurate:

I think we can all agree that there are various unwritten rules of deportment involved in changing in a locker room when full nudity is required. Yet, for whatever reason, the more time that gravity has had to ravage these mens’ bodies, the more likely they are to be on display at any given moment.

To be clear, I’m not singling out older people for dressing or undressing more slowly than their younger brethren. That’s to be expected. What I’m talking about is the age-related tendency to add or remove clothing in a completely illogical order while randomly engaging in nudity-extending activities during the changing process. Everybody knows that the number one rule of underwear etiquette in a locker room setting is L.O.F.O. — as in Last Off, First On. In practice, this means that, if you need to shower, your underwear should be the very last piece of clothing you remove before wrapping a towel around your waste and schlepping off to the stalls. Then, upon your return, your underwear should be the very first piece of clothing you put on before proceeding with the rest of your outfit.

It’s excruciatingly straightforward and no more difficult than any other changing order (and, indeed, simpler/more useful than many — unless you’re Quail Man, of course). Yet for some reason, this stunnginly logical progression becomes an irreconciliable calculus for many gents in their sixth decade and beyond.

Read the rest of the entry here.

You can read some of the backlash in the comments section. This one (or these two, rather) cracked me up:

I was born in 1942. I’m a veteran of the American army, a Prince of Rome, a master musician, and a Taoist adept. If you have the privilege of seeing me naked, you should get down and kiss the ground, and thank your lucky stars that you’ve seen at least one superior man in your life.

Reply to above comment:

Stay thirsty, my friends!

hahahahahaha I'm a sucker for Most Interesting Man in the World references.

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What Color Are Your Lenses?

Futility Closet


Vampire Rant Addendum

Correction from my last post: the main vampire creep in Vampire Diaries is not 140 years old. He is 162 years old. I'm not sure whether he is a huge creep or the world's biggest stud.

You know what else is creepy about vampires?

Standing over girls who are sleeping in their beds at home and caressing their faces is NOT okay. I'm positive girls think this is the sweetest most romantic thing ever.

What makes the vampires in Vampire Diaries ultra creeps is their ability to "compel" humans. They can look into a human's eyes and make them believe whatever they want. And you better bet these vampires know all about abusing the hell out of this ability.

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Vampires are F$^# CREEPS

So I've been watching Vampire Diaries recently and these are a bunch of random thoughts I have on vampires:

How fucking creepy are vampires? Those are the creepiest of the creepiest motherfuckers out there and they have totally succeeded in making vampires appealing to females. Think about what a creepy concept this is. You have this vampire who is 140+ years old going to high school in 2009 and trying to score with a high school girl. Buddy I know you are a fine male specimen and all but dude you 140+ years old.

But then again vampires stay young forever and are probably virile as fuck and there aren't exactly any chicks their age chilling around. That's the sad thing about age. Women, to most people, are probably most attractive when they're young and as dudes start getting old, they think why not just get at a young chick instead of all the old geezers your own age.

Women don't get that same benefit of dating down in age drastically, so society has royally fucked women by deeming it a little "weird." I mean did anyone think it was at least a LITTLE weird that Ashton Kutcher was going out with Demi Moore? I mean yea you're still hot for your age, but Ashton Kutcher at one point completely closed his gates to a whole world of hungry for sex women. Do you have any idea how much a guy like Ashton Kutcher would destroy if he went to a place like a night club? And he gave all that up for a woman that's almost 50.

Moral of the story, if you have the option to date young, date young. And these vampires have it MADE. They walk around looking all 17 forever, and in Vampire Diaries they wear these rings that allow them to be in sunlight. OMG what a bunch of cheaters. H4X!

Anyway, some things about Vampire Diaries (tempted to say VD but it's weird saying VD this VD that):

What is UP with this supposed super hearing they have? Do they have to concentrate to hear super well or is it on all the time? Sometimes in the show I'm like DUDE you could have totally avoided that if your super hearing heard it coming at the time.

Also, while it's probably ridiculously awesome for him to stay 17 forever and blessed with model looks and a ripped body, how is it not annoying as hell to try and go out with a 16 or 17 or whatever year old girl? I mean do you NOT age in maturity or something. How the hell are you holding intellectual conversations with a girl in high school? And on the OFF CHANCE that a high school girl happens to be reading this, I am not saying you are an idiot but you and a 140 year old dude will have different maturity levels. Does being a vampire retard their maturity levels or something?

The brooding vampire thing is annoying the hell out of me. Stefan has this emo look about him and always speaks in that brooding way. I get it you tortured soul!

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Rolling Deep

This hits too close to home.

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